G.I. Joe the Movie ’87

This is awesome just my luck some Saturday morning cartoon full feature to get the day going. I have homework but thats all I usually do so, and this is what I do so.
Anyways to start I had some of the toys maybe TMNT was more my thing but I mean equally awesome G.I. Joe. I got the shirt I should go put on. I can recall some scenes from this movie but I must have been very young and I probably wouldn’t watch this unless it appeared on the list, but which is surprising cause im all about it. Every boy my age knows G.I. Joe, If i asked my folks they would know. Cultural phenomenon. Just that 80’s feature cartoon hype and see you heroes on the big screen. Right away the into and space titles are great and very synth. Then the G.I. Joe Logo hits the screen. The cobra is song is pretty funny and we all know about armies that represent huge logos. Cobras main ambitions are flying into Statue of Liberty park. Punching out tv news reporters and cameras. The music matches sequences. Its like heavy metal light with some sick animations. Jet packs lasers lots of explosions. Heroic group poses. I like the fireworks effects Its pretty much widescreen. Cobra retreat. So I was two when this came out late to the party. I like the animations Don Johnson.. Sgt Slaughter as .. Sgt Slaughter. Complete opposite than the book im reading but have to make a comparison. Its all about cool suits, masks, heavy firepower. Theres some starwars themes here too the jungle. Similar to the technodrome. The cobra base toy was cool. The cartoon version is pretty high tech. Lots of resources cannons spotlights. That tiny little gate for such a huge base. Fight for a logo and attacking america does seem like a terrorist thing to do. So pick a snake and start recruiting people. Some perks would be jetpacks. Some cons would be crazy boss screaming at you. The background inside the base looks like a heatsink hightech board. World class buffoon lol. I can think of one politician that fits that description. So theyre super villains they all have their own quirks and different outfits. That would be funny, you got the shoes and hat but the beard, you can join. Oh yea lizard dude is sneaking through the fence. Theres a awesome high tech radar room. Sick saw bayonets. The red suits I would pass. Lizard can cut through steel door with his claws like lightsaber. That lizard probably trying to steal something or join cobra. Nice organic spore dust weapon drops those guys. Puts back in pocket. Its like those old sierra dos games: ‘put ladder in pocket.’ His hands burn the alien thing is a face hugger. She has many of em. Lizard lady assassin.
Was too busy to finish off the cartoons but here I am June 7 2020. Serpentor and lady assasin are about to fight, the plotline is revealed that the orc lizard assassin lady is burnt into Serpentors memory. She is part of his destiny. When he was created her face was etched into his soul.She is Pythona. In the sea shell is a broadcast energy transmitter tank that Sepentor is to use to cause chaos. Ok so Serpentor has to steal the broadcast energy transmitter from the joes.I guess you turn it on then tanks operate without the use of fuel or energy I guess thats pretty magic. Makes 5g sound weak. Anyways so Serpentor and his team of villains on bikes and vehicles. Destroy everything except the the energy tank. The BET lol. who listens to :”this I command” So in a opposite twist the good guys fire red and the bad guys fire light blue. Unlike starwars. So duke goes from sitting in the BET to retreat to cover me im going for the BET lol. Lasers are still cool. They jump on vehicle and say cheezy little one liners. Like Need a ride, Nah walking’s better for my health as they fly past laser beams everywhere. It reminds me of like some starwars pilot scenes, like ohh buddys in trouble i cant shake him, but then the next joe jumps in and remedies the situation. Duke is the original Joe. He gets scooped up by the Serpentor and bike combo sold separately. One handed hangs on and bites the pin off a grenade with his teeth.. the only way to remove the pin . I think the artwork pretty amazing the fluidity of the piece its action packed. After Duke tosses a grenade in the air intake, blows up the bike. After that brief flight jumps back in the BET and activates the Joes defense missile systems. Those 80’s hair cuts and ski jackets. Theyre like oh the treachery were being attacked from behind! Duke gets ripped outta the seat by Serpentor and a fist fight ensues. Serpentor just has snakes around his neck that he grabs they go hard and he throws em like spears. Classic Cobra commander and the villain female are arguing about orders. Harsh. So Serpentor throws himself at Duke as Duke easily uses his momentum against him and throws him right in the BET dish. Serpentor sits there getting electrocuted a hot minute. Cobra commander call for retreat again. They have a sanctuary in the mountains. Yo joe. So they managed to capture Serpentor.
Had to try to register just for all the forms dont work and error messages what a pissoff. Ok where was I oh yes. Cobra commander was leading his bad guy minions to some place yonder by the mountain pass. The Yo Joe patrol following quickly behind. Actually they engage the cobra remnants. The terrain feature that is the sanctuary, one of the guys comments like is this the twilight zone. Sure is Joe. I like how the joes have one of every ethnic group behind a machine laser gun. Every joe is equal, and the cobras are white animal people aliens with a budget.
All of a sudden some bug suit martial arts bugs crawl out from the terrain and engage the Joes. They got big giant swords and do the tongue cry like some kind of beheading cry. Gi Snow jumps in the ride chasing cobra commander through the brambles. Some hawkman flies up out of the ground and is ran over by the armored vehicle. But the hawkman is strong as has a hook and pull GI Snow outta the drivers seat. Its basically like playing GI joes as a kid. Cobra commander tries to be-friend hawkman but all he gets is a slap to the face. Nemesis something fetch cobra commander lol. Hes always running away cackling. Pythora has the gem lol thats the sought after item. That answers all my questions lol. BAck at the Joe HQ they got some missiles on display.Paper shredder, map of USA. Reel to Reel tapes on the walls. Cocks his weapon at the generals desk lol. Showing up at recruit camp as a basketball player and a ninja. Heres this drain pipe im gonna crawl up it. That looks like a deadly obstacle course. Mines and turrets. Anyways this dog is hilarious it just finds and fetches some dynamite with a clock on it hidden under a blanket. Fetching that dynamite lol. I hope you both get fleas. Makes me chuckle. Just having a rainy day gotta keep getting through more content. Ok Beachhead is training some recruits through some excercises. Here come beach shirt guy. I find thatr shading of everything really well done wish I could draw that shading and line detail. The beach shirt guy, misfired missle rips it off the side of the tank, and hurls it at the target. Thats the best misfire drill ive ever seen, and he toosses the intstructor off the vehicle in the process. Outstanding. Take a knee. Ok ninjas turn. Cant fight eyes open but kicks his ass blindfolded. Finishes off with a sassy wink. Lt falcon in typical officer fashion brings his bl;onde date to the base. Then hes like see these training manuals, whips out his pistol and opes fire, dodges his head missing the ricochet and destroying the training manuals. Thats hilarious. So i wanna be LT Falcon when I become an officer. Thats so funny as he nearly misses Duke messing around, gotta love that shot behind the back. Im doing my duty bruh what are you doing. Im having a date at a military prison. Some corvette model. Yea so LT falcon lets the blonde in with the camera, Im sure the codes to get in are compromised now, but lets watch hilarity unfold. LT Falcon is like im bored nyeah. Duke is like ur on guard duty. Sure enough shes the redheaded cobra villain! Getting accosted by her ‘teammate’. After thats done she reveals she had earring cameras. Cobra has some British members one em said blimey! 100% Facts.
Regulation schmegulations. Make like an amoeba and split. Thats a harsh accent lol. Blimey Its a bloomin seamonster. Serpentor is still in the prison center. He throws a pillow from his otherwise solid bed at the laser cage locking him in. Lt Falcon trying to make out with subordinates lol. While on guard duty nice. Dont sweat it he says no one can get to the stockade without enemy bracelet he says.. Gotta be the silliest officer ever. Meanwhile cobra is breaking into the stockade. But they get stopped by the plastic shield momentarily. Hes basically narrating them as they enter. Blast through some concrete.. Not just unlikely its impossible as an explosion goes off and intruders access the prisoner.The most imbecile LT ever. They shoot the alarm connection and buddy does a swan dive with covering fire to start splicing the Joes security system. The Hawkman is theirt tank is virtually immune to laser fire. He just runs up like nothing. The joes are no match for the hawkdude hes just tossin em asides hes like keep splicing. Uses his wind to deflect the cage laser and they just walk out. Pretty much solo LT falcons fault lol. Pythora has some bug mines that cause alotta damage.They run back to the base, the main door blown up no prisoner casualties. Damn hes getting court martial ed lol. Back in the mountains. Theres a flying man-o-war with a cockpit flying bug. The driver pulls some string and a toothy mountain grotto opens up. They fly in and through the other side is a different terrain like a bug lang.Here the captured Joes are chilling in a tooth prison. The jelly lands on the ground in what can be described as alternate universe. This is where the tongue cry behead bug guys with wide swords live and theyre an amry I guess in cahoots with cobra. They release thousands of tick like robot creatures. First thing Serpentor does is take a knee to the new bug overload guy hes got a eye patch and a villain type speeder wheelchair, as opposed to say something proffessor X would ride in. Its a floating green swquid thing abody attachment. Its like those bugs made a red carpet welcome. Gorabulus. Or something like that. It was Gorabulus that created serpentor. Then they got couple bug guys. A skinnier Zangief with a handlebar mustache. And then a colossus similar looking guy with black eyes and red cape. Nice Gorabulus has a new weapon its a organic psychic manipulator. He uses on his own people. The twins and everyone is down with gorabulus. Now he want the BET. At bug land the trial of cobra commander in a clam shell lol. Back at the joe base another trial is going on the court martial of LT Falcon pre hearing, pre trial. Oh hes in trouble now couldnt find a act of merit. Falcon is Dukes half brother so that makes it justifiable and gets a second chance. Drawing shades easier than every eye expression animated multiple times. Anyways LT gets off but he has to go to the slaughterhouse, as for cobra commander, hes always screaming something funny, you have no jurisdiction over me. The cobras talk like swashbucklers. The bug people call themselves civilized. Very heavy metal esque in some scenes. Cobri-la was a happy bug place land. Then ice ruined their culture and that started the rule of the barbarians, (humans) They evolved from 4000 years ago.. Then they show the Cave man banging rocks together to the nasa launch screen with the space shuttle. Which is sacrilege to the Cobri-la.. Thye retreated in the mountain spot top try to reclaim earth later. So they use organics or something. Gorbulus selected cobra commander to raise an army to destroy earth civilization. Cobra commander grew some extra eyes in a lab accident. Team misfit. Their plan is to shoot these rocket spores into orbit that will render organic life forms feebleminded or something. Like that earth and Pythora combo. More like lizard beasts grabbin their faces. The spores wont mature without the BET blasting energy into space.. Well guess im surprised for such an intricate plot, but halfway through the movie get an idea how this might go. At first i was liek how do you make a hour and half movie about GI Joe. I mean its probably not the hardest thing to come up with if you were ever a kid. All the characters have a fair amount of detail. Heres Sgt Slaughter awesome hes the professional drill instructor for GI Joe some kind of alternate jail bootcamp. Is a pro wrestler persona. Your going nowhere space case. Nice the renegades outfit. The guy that spits on scorpions, then the pro footballer with a club. Finally the circus actor. This nice club for LT Falcon. Getting whipped into shape before the finale. Thats me nowadays: you expect me to walk the whole way.. lol. Here comes bug cobra commander. Nice beetle key. With the plan to put the mindless beast in cage backfiring now the Joes are free. Cobra commander lizard can still screech. I though maybe hed be muted but no. After cobra commander got hit with the spores hes willing to help the escaping Joes tells em of a trap. Anyways they end up teaming up for the moment to escape. Nemesis enforcer do work. Spores make him blind but commander is helping him see. Jumping into the river to escape. Serpent i going after the BET. The rocket spores are shooting into space but they still need the BET. Nice slaughterhouse base. Its some wrecked planes and makeshift shacks in the desert. Roadblock thats his name. Terrordrome technodrome. nice. No weapons lets move out. lol thats no way to make friends hehe. Sure enough as theyre discussing the security of the BET the Blackhaired cobra female escapes cackling to herself like a witch. So lemme guess the cobras gonna attack the civilian facility. Meanwhile the Joes are infiltrating the enemy base too. They ride up on the red personal boats toss a black sheet over it. Thats a first cam up job ive seen on cartoon. Sgt Slaughter rides the boat like a thinking man lol. here comes some space capsules. Here Cobra is using resources that arent organic so wouldnt you know it hypocrites. Surprising they didnt see the white and yellow shirts maybe too busy piloting their little individual space pod capsule jetpacks. So the plan is go through the air conditioner ducts, so them working with cobra is against what they declare but its ok cause theyre working to destroy the humans. The baroness is here name, and i thought she had a menacing eastern european accent. Like a bond villain. Again conveniently the Joes and Sgt S overhear the plans.. Theres some familiar looking cobra patrolmen. Maybe its that navy red and black pattern. Oh yea thx Lt Falcon completed all with no weapons. Set a timer for 15mins. Lol the gambling cobras flip the table caught playing cards classic. The googles again flashes the text intruder and alarm in a reflection. Everything is snake themed including what looks to be the microphone. Come in Joe. Seems to me it might be hard to send a message from some enemy equip. the cobras also have nearly the exact same alarm system. Come in GI Joe acknowledge. Wow the most annoying thing every time i backspace I get a horrendous half line of typing text. I wish I could fix that on command. Scroll down seems to fix it but when it occurring pretty irritating. Now a walking mech has disrupted LT falcon comms attempts. He jumps out the seat and smacks the next cobra guy. This the type of officer that fights with a beret and boy scout scarf on. Sleeves always up. The football playe hes like screw im we dont need him, he pistol shoots a tank and two space pods. Sgt Slaughter sorts him out with the teamwork speech. Unfortunately the new improve Falcon is still captured by Serpentor, hes slapping him silly. how many in your force whats your mission.. Slapping him silly: you cant resist forever. Five mins on the clock its been more like two, things really move in these action sequences. Since Serpentor cant get his answers hes gonna have to answer to Nemesis enforcer. Hawkman. Just then the renegades lead by sgt slaughter barge in just in time to rescue LT Falcon. Nice, Nemesis throws a face-hugger squid. Slaugther and him gonna have a one-on-one. So far he aint doing so good. Until Serpentor squeals for help. Help me. He drops Sgt. Slaughter and Lt Falcon can remove the face hugger. Hes still got his shades. No time for rematch remember bomb must hurry. That about sums it up in a hot minute. Nice they really smashed up the terrordrome like complete destruction. Nice speeder bike escape. This I command lol. This looks like they had time to get their forces together for an attempt on the BET so they lock it up and secure it for what looks like a big battle. Knuckle massage. I guess in their plan to sell toys its easy movie to make, brand all the tanks. The cartoon makes the toys happen and the child army makes a fortune. Often imitated not always mega franchise successful. Im sure some of these toys are collectors and expensive. Lots of vehicle scenes for the passenger to get in and out vehicles and pretend blow shit up. Now the general piloting in one of these reverse wing jets. He dogfighting Baroness in a space pod. All of a sudden a bug air fleet opens fire they havea weapon that shoots out tentacle webs that can immobilize vehicles. This is the big moment for Cobri-laians. Chuckles is the guys name with the tropical flower shirt. Now he starts the helicopter by climbing on top and giving it a old fashion push . Chuckles jst rides on top of the chopper shooting his pistol. unfortunately theyre hit with the tentacle weapon and crash land n a building. The mp says Man who ever heard fo being shot down by a salad. Thats pretty funny. Its like organic tentacle growth. Serpentor now is in a cobra style jet similar just darker and redder. He does the tongue-beheading-cry lol. Whoa all of a sudden a giant spiked worm is causing havoc on the battle filed. Theres 2 and theyre crashing through walls for the cobra team of misfit swashbucklers. Ncie on swashbuckler is seen banging the business end of as rifle on the protective BET shell . The other guy has grinder. Finally Nemesis enforcer is fed up hes like move aside nitwits. Wow so he just bends that metal outta place and ready to steal it now. Duke is back for a scene on a GI JOE bike. very tron and 80’s esque. Rectangular headlight. Just rips the cannon off and shoots it towards worm. Serpentors plane lands in a cool sequence and he steps out all like captain morgans till hes gotta duck from incoming fire from the renegades. Theres lots going on the worms are leading the way for colossus dude to drive the BET away. Falcon also has a bazooka and takes aim. Once shot takes out the cobra plane. Serpentor immediately exclaims evacuate the BET. Why is that so funny cobra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la as he shoots the mortar. serpentor a good shot, direct hit on the renegade Joe vehicle. Theres a pipeline and some fire causing a inferno. Nice Duke jumps out to fight Serpentor who had his eyes on Falcon incapacitated in the blaze. Damn, duke gets hit with one of those solid snakes. Calls him arrogant earth scum. He took the snake meant for your heart but his sacrifice will be in vain: this i command. The cheesiest line. Too bad the moth got the BET. They all huddle over Duke as he gets first aid. Promise me youll get your act together. Everyone cries. Here in a sinister turn of events the BET is turned on in the hands of the enemy and globulus is powering up the spores for that human mutation plan. Roadblock and cobra commander walking through a blizzard. They get in a struggle and land on flints party. Cobri-la assault time. Sound the alarm the Joes are attacking. Of course theres a booby trap. They fall right into it. Its a giant plant that eats Joes alive. On the tiv Flint ios like look at cobra commander those spores turning him into a fish slug beast. Finally the joes get the synopsis. Stop the BET before everyone gets turned into fish lizard beasts. Go Joe. Roadblock gets cured unfortunately the genetic mutation that happens to cobra commander is permanent and the medics cant fix him. Whose side would he be on.. Well hes leading the way obviously but Falcon is like forget it hes completely turned to a snake. Nice so one of the renegades notices a water path leading to the swashbucklers and their water bikes. Theyre were going to seal in the cave while the spores turned all the humans to reptiles. Nice well his plane bike gets hit but he sends it crashing into the Joe eating plant. That tentacle gun is the ultimate organic against vehicles. Finally the battle evolves to a fistfight brawl. Joes are advancing on the palace and ready to stop the BET. Some awesome creatures coming outta the ground to defend the BET energizing the spores. essentially giant insects. After some more scattered fighting and being surrounded by bugs thy make it to the palace. Sgt Slaughter bashing em with his rifle. Gi joe fighting spiders. Well they got to the BEt how are they goonna get through Nemesis enforcer and Pythora. Ninja vs Ninja slaughter vs enforcer and Falcon vs Serpentor. Not looking ghoof for either of the fights. Then starting with falcon it turns around. Cobra commander ends up helping falcon for no particular reason. Ninja goes blackout with a bandana as a chose fighting style. Pythora just jumps of the cliff. Nemesis aveneger gets his ass kicked by slaughter now, and as awesome finale Serpentors cape gets stuck in the air exhaust for his jet bike.. classic. Falcon still has to fight Gorabulus which wont be easy, cause hes got that green pod. Hes got a harry potter wand. Whats his name galopagus. snake body hybrid of everything. So inside the green pod is gorabuls slithering snakebody. Falcon stabs him in his already eyepatched eye.As falcon escapes he has a chance to turn off the BET and they have a quick celebration. It seems lost as gorabulus shows em the spores have matured and are being released in space. Falcon decides if he can rev up enough juice he can fry em in space. It works destroying the BET and thew fortress in the process. Sgt slaughter spins around red ninja and they make a human chain for Falcon to grab onto for the quick escape. Total destruction of most of Cobri-la and bugs. Duke is out of the coma. now actual celebration and Falcon and ninja share a kiss. Back to the sparkle effect. Wow that would have been the weekend rental for a while. Took me a while to watch but it was pretty fun. Just alot of artwork people slaved over this project. Its good final product I think. Interested to hear the other review now. First cartoon for the reviews though. Make a hasbro movie to promote the toys and the brand. Alot of things from TMNT too but none as blatant rip off as the technodrome. Teamwork and some motivation to join up and fight the bugs. Feels like it dragged on a bit but ended up watching it all.

Author: clayton

Clayton L. CD 85